The Inconspicuous Little Man

A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale, with sweeping reductions, starting at 9 a.m. An enormous queue had started to form by 7:30 a.m.

Just before the shop was due to open, an inconspicuous little man walked to the head of the queue. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was right at the back of the line. Undaunted, the little man went to the head of the queue again.

Once more, he was shoved unceremoniously to the back, this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women.

The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: If that's your attitude, I won't open the shop at all today!

Salesman and Customer

A salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer.
A month later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform.
I see you've joined the force, Bhatnagar, said the sales manager.
Yes, Sir. This is the job I've been looking for all my life.
Here the customer is always wrong.

What is your age?

What is your age? asked the Judge. Remember you are under oath?.
Twenty-one years and some months, the woman answered.
How many months? the Judge persisted.
One hundred and eight.

Did it hit you?

Hey, the tourist said to the mountaineer, Your son just threw a rock at me as I passed by?
Did it hit you?
No.
Then it wasn't my son.

Honesty

An eager young man entered his prospective boss's cabin for an interview,
Said the boss One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness.
I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in?
Yes sir, the young man replied promptly.
Back came the rejoinder, One more thing we're very particular about is
honesty. There is no doormat outside!

POLICE FORCE CANDIDATE

A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written examination. Since he was the Chief's nephew, the examiner decided to go
easy on him with the oral test.

Who shot Abraham Lincoln? asked the examiner.
The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have sometime to come up with the answer. The examiner told him to come back the next morning.

When the would-be recruit went home, his wife asked
Well, how did it go? Did you get the job?
I think so,he replied
They have already got me working on a case?.

LOOPHOLE

The sign on the door of a lawyer's chamber reads:
Where there is a will, there is a way; where there is a way, there is law; where there is law, there is a rule; where there is a rule, there is a loophole; where there is a loophole;there is a lawyer; and so here I am.

THE DEAD LIVING MAN

A man who had just died, arrived at heaven's gate. Before allowing him
entry, St. Peter asked him if he'd ever loved a woman.
No, the man replied, Not a single one.
Did you have a friend you cared for?
No.
Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature?
No.
What took you so long to get here? asked a surprised St. Peter. You've been
dead for ages.

AN IDIOT’S ADVISE

A patient complains to a famous psychologist: Professor, I have been having terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.
psychologist : Who has been treating you until now?
patient : Dr Lal Rathor
psychologist : I see. He is an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do
patient : he advised me to come and see you

THREE LAWYERS AND THREE ENGINEERS

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.
How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer.
Wait and watch? answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, Ticket please? The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
Wait and watch? answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, Ticket, please?

A BILL

Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What’s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.

CANNIBALS AND THREE MEN

One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. The cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we won’t kill you". So the 3 people followed the orders from the
cannibals. The cannibals said, "Go into the forest and pick 10 pieces
of the first kind of fruit you see".
So the first person came back out of the forest with 10apples. The cannibals said, "Stick the apples up in your ass without making a facial expression". The person then
frowned in pain after the second apple, so the cannibals killed him.
The second person came back out of the forest with 10 cherries. The cannibals said, "Put the cherries up your ass without making a facial expression". The person then
started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.
In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with cherries "why did you start laughing at the tenth cherry? You were almost there". The person replied, "I saw the third person come out with pineapples."